Do You Mind If I Place You On Hold?

Customer service sucks these days. I hate the automated phone systems. I genuinely dislike calling large companies when I have an issue. Specifically, for these reasons:

1. You can’t understand me because English is your 3rd language, your name is not really Andy and you don’t live in Tampa, FL. I’ve learned that speaking louder into the phone does not resolve any of the aforementioned issues.

2. Why did I press 15 buttons, verify my address, and punch in my account number, only to get an automated system telling me my bill is $237.55? I know what my bill is and it’s wrong. That’s why I’m calling you.

3. Why did I go through 7 departments to figure out that the 2nd department is the one I should be speaking to about my issue? Dude, they just transferred me to YOU.

4. Some of these companies are getting smarter. Pressing zero does NOT take you to a live person anymore. It tells me that I have ‘pressed an incorrect key’. Thanks, Comcast. Let me hang up and start all over again.

5. I love when the automated system tells me that they are experiencing “high call volumes” and I should consider calling back later. I’ve been on the phone for 20 minutes pressing buttons and verifying my information. Yes, I think I’ll continue holding. Thanks.

6. I finally get a real person on the phone and I’m ‘accidentally’ disconnected. Epic fail.

7. That awkward moment when you’re driving to the business that you are on ‘hold’ with. You get there, walk inside (still on phone)…and the person who put you on hold walks up and says, “Can I help you?” Sure. Would you like to finish your phone call first?

8. I like when I’m placed on hold for 10 minutes and they come back and ask me what my name is again. What were you doing while I was on hold, anyway?

9. I’ve been on hold for 30 minutes, but heaven forbid I need to make you wait just a second so I can grab the invoice to give you the little three digit code you need so you can look up my account information. Sometimes I like to say, “Can you hold, please?”, just to see what their reaction is.

10. Sometimes when I’m feeling dumb, I like to talk to some of these customer service representatives. I hang up feeling like a freaking genius.

Before the customer service representatives get all upset, let me just say that I’ve been one before. I got yelled at for 8 hours a day, 5 days per week about a cell phone bill and they know for a fact that little Johnny did NOT call his grandmother…who lives in Pennsylvania…on July 10, 2012…at 2:15pm..and talk for 30 minutes. So, I feel ya.

Have you ever thought about the fact that God is always on the other line, waiting for our call? He never disconnects us; even on ‘accident’. Whenever we have an issue, He’s always ‘live’ and we never have to settle with a recording. No matter how high the call volume is, He doesn’t put us on hold or tell us to call back later. He doesn’t answer our call in the ‘order it was received’. He doesn’t transfer us somewhere else. We can be assured that no matter how many requests He has had today, He answers our individual call with love and not irritability. He also speaks all languages. We don’t have to tell Him our name, where we live, or verify our identity. And, even more importantly, he already knows why we’re calling.

Usually when we’re calling customer service it’s because we need something. Have you ever thought about calling just to say “thank you”? Thanks for everything you’ve given me…everything you’ve done for me?

Sometimes He just wants us to pick up the phone and call Him. I promise you won’t get a busy signal.

KC